Sunday, February 29, 2004

do u noe how much u mean to mi
since e first day i set my eyes on u.
do u noe tt everything i do is for u
putting ur interest first at all times.
do u noe tt i cried for u
wen u told us its impossible btw us.
do u noe how i feel at this moment
i guess u dont aniway.

feelin confused,sad,depressed and lost
im not sure wad u r thinking of.
u claimed tt u wld not ignore mi
but u r doin so right now.
i guessed i did something wrong
something i said or did.
i guuessed i screwed it up again.
right now, i juz wan ur forgivness
coz u mean e world to mi.
plz dun ignore mi animore
my world's in a turmoil bcoz of this.

calls not answered, msgs not replied
mayb u dun wan to see mi or hear my voice.
perhaps im such a pain for u.
mayb u wanted e word 'COLIN' out of ur life
and mayb i'll do juz tt
if u think im such a nuisance.

not quite sure whether attending e gathering
not if things had changed for e better.
dunno how to face u if i went
coz mayb u'll feel e same way too.

im sorry for e things ive said
im sorry for e things ive done
sorry for being such a fool
hope u wld forgive mi one day.
dun wan to lose a fren like u.
remember u said we cld b gd frenz
hope we cld end up like tt.
even though not my real intention
but was e best solution.
didnt noe wad else to sae.
juz wan to let u noe, u r forever e queen of my heart.
IRREPLACABLE!





at 8:54 PM

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Saturday, February 28, 2004

wendy...i love u! lol..dun anihow think ar. i mean wendy our acc teacher...not that hippo. friday's lesson was relli cool. i felt that she was a changed person. not the usual strict and stern face animore. dunno wad happened to her aniway but it was gd. i kept giving crappy answers sometimes making the class laugh. relli relaxed at tt day's tutorial. hope tt every lesson cld b this fun.

went to PS with rina and yoke huey after sch. actually intented to survey a present for amy. but i think it was not suitable. guess i hav to rack my brain cells again. met up with jinshan shumin and ai hwa over there. walked and tok cock for 1 hr like tt. intended to go to beach rd there for dinner. but den jinshan shumin and ai hwa not comin wif us. time was bout 6pm...susan called and said she was rdy. so we proceeded to lavender mrt station. tt stupid rina..instead of takin mrt. she wanted to walk there. OMG...we walked frm PS to bugis mrt. took us about 45min. my legs were like damn tired lo. and it was humid also. felt very sticky. i complained non-stop and we finally took the mrt at bugis. 6.53pm..amy and susan made their grand appearance. at first didnt tok to her. in fact she made the first move to tok to mi. i dunno but i hav this strange feeling inside mi. susan and amy were walkin in front of mi rina and yoke huey. den rina spotted mi looking at amy's behind. of course i didnt admit it la.kept denying.paiseh ma. but it was true tt i noticed it la. found a place to sit down. but rina and yoke huey were e best. they gave mi e chance to sit nxt to her...hehe. ordered satay..mee goreng and mee "something". very wierd name. mee goreng was spicy. amy said it was too hot but she still kept eating coz it was nice. this was one of the few times tt she ate so much.more than mi i think. she wanted to pay for my meal becoz she said she wld treat mi for my vdae present. actually wanted to pay, but still gave in to her.

i was quite full.very full i cld say. susan said she wanted to digest and suggested walking. in the end we went to esplanade. we walked there. oh man...my legs were so tired after all the walking. i walked v slowly and didnt catch up wif the rest. i was behind them like 100m away. upon reaching there, the atmosphere changed and so had my feelings and mood. there was a live band performing. the female singer was gd. we sat down along the singapore river.enjoying the cool breeze and wonderful scenery. my mind was in deep thoughs. everywhere i see, there wld b couples hand in hand strolling. or juz sitting down having a chat. how i wish i was in their position. susan was sitting beside mi and amy was standing up tokin to her. the way she toked,e way she looked was relli sweet. i was like staring at her. it gave mi a wonderful feeling, a feeling of happiness. a feeling undescribable which had nv happened to mi before. i guessed she didnt notice it. but i think susan did. once..she was sitted beside mi and i put my right arm at the back of the railing. it seemed as if my arm wld put right on top of her shoulder. but of course i didnt. i guess i oni did something wrong. as i put my arm on the railing. susan was like playing wif amy's hair and i saw it. but i guess i couldnt control my STUPID hand. i did e same thing also but i didnt play onli touch...for less than a second. she got freaked out and startled.jumped out of her place. i forgotten wad happened after tt.

it was bout 11pm. we sent amy and susan to bus stop to take bus. i waited for yoke huey's bro to come pick us. i knew i wldnt catch the last bus if i went hm tt time. we had so much time to kill coz yoke huey bro wld come like 1 plus. we walked to where the merlion was. e wind was quite chilly.but refreshing. i was already quite tired after a whole dae. oh yes..i msg amy to tell her tt i was relli sorry for touching her hair and stuff. she claimed she wldnt b angry. i was quite relieved.but i think i msg her something stupid ltr on. she didnt reply, instead it was susan. i guess i screwed things up again. intend to call her tonight to make things clear or something. im afraid she wld ignore mi. was quite depressing at tt moment. didnt tok much to yoke huey coz i wanted some quiteness.wanted to think bout it. she did ask mi bout it..but i didnt tell her everything. but i guess she knows wads goin on. reached hm at 1.50pm.and didnt get bathed. so tired already. instead i juz changed and jumped on bed.

aniway..this thing has been troubling mi since ys. advice anione?
at 6:47 PM

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Thursday, February 26, 2004

"Why, why are we still friends,
when everything says we should be more than we are?
and tell me why,
everytime I find someone that I like,
we always end up just being friends.
I don't wanna be like your brother,
I don't wanna be your best friend.
I only wanna be your lover.
When will this end?
If i told you that I want to be in your life,
then you could be the woman in mine."

"Livin' with out u, my world's become so empty
My days are so cold and lonely
And each night I taste the purest of pain."


haiz..this songs could juz describe my feelings right now.
actually i try to b alright in sch, but deep down inside mi, i feel the pain.
on 23/2/04, vanessa juz told mi on msn tt amy already has someone she likes. omg...i was so devastated. i didnt noe the impact was like huge. oh man...can u imangine..i went to the toilet. and guess wad..tears juz trickle down my face. i was wonderin wad was wrong wif mi. am i not gd enuff? i dun think i can find anybody whu likes mi. the phrase " the easy part of life is to love someone, but the hardest part of life is to find someone to love u back" is very true. love cant b forced or anything. i can accept the truth. however, i will still continue to like her. giv her my care and concern at all times. i guess not many ppl noe how i feel. i was relli very serious bout her. i relli put all my time, effort on her. but guess luck was not on my side. or mayb not bcoz of luck...i dun think i am a perfect guy or wad. i dun hav the ht or looks which females look out for.

i hope now she doesnt ignore mi or anything..after all these. im glad she didnt. she toked to mi in sch todae. although it was juz a few lines i felt relli glad. coz now..i relli duno how to face her. shld i b sad or shld i b normal..im not sure either.i hope to b normal self again..lively. i noe i hav little hope since quite long ago. but mayb i juz dun wan to face up to reality. she was relli the queen of my heart.the motivation for mi. the truth always hurts..now i muz face up reality and move on with the nxt chapter of my life. how i wish i was nv woken up frm my dreamland. AMY..i juz wan to to let u noe tt i will continue to like u no matter wad happens. my heart is always wif u. i relli wan to share ur joy and pain. even though we can juz b oni frenz.gd frenz.

thanx for all those ppl whu have given mi encouragement these few daes. relli appreciated it man. especially to june, esther, eileen,sean, rina, yoke huey,sadhna, vanessa, zhihao and more. sry if i couldnt remember the rest of ppl. whoah...u all r relli my gd frenz. glad to hav known u all.
at 9:58 PM

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